Am I The Narcissist? A Take A Look At Inverted Narcissism

Am I The Narcissist? A Take A Look At Inverted Narcissism

In my work with victims of narcissistic abuse I am more typically than not requested the identical query: "How do I do know I'm not the Narcissist?"

When I asked my very own therapist this question so a few years ago she answered "Should you had been the narcissist you wouldn't be asking that question, because narcissist's will not see that the issue is with them." They're too busy projecting the issues onto those round them.

Nevertheless our personal narcissism is an issue price exploring in more detail. For instance: Why can we ask that question to start with. What's it that makes us really feel we're the narcissist test?

In speaking to a client at the moment I had a giant realization. She was telling me how she was always dissatisfied in her previous boyfriends or partners. They just did not measure up to her expectations. As we dug just a little deeper she defined how she has wavered between feelings of superiority and feelings of inferiority. She has constructed her own illusion or idea of who she was which in her own reality positioned herself upon a pedestal. So in a sense she was doing the identical thing a narcissistic personality would do. She sheltered herself from her feelings of inferiority by placing herself upon a pedestal. That pedestal created a false confidence.

So when the narcissistic personality comes into her life her false confidence is initially mirrored by the narcissist who displays to her the image worthy of the pedestal she has positioned herself upon. But because the relationship progresses her emotions of inferiority are triggered as he projects his own inferiority upon her. Now she is experiencing the sensation of having her mate dissatisfied in her inadequacy just as she has been dissatisfied in past partners for their inadequacy.

What's the distinction than between the narcissistic companion and the one who feels abused? Compassion and Empathy! The consumer I used to be talking to at the moment, identified together with her partners feelings of superiority and also with his emotions of inadequacy. She had empathy for him. She did not want to see him hurt because she is aware of how painful it is to experience those self same sorts of feelings. A pathological narcissist might give a rip about his companions hurt feelings. He is only concerned with himself and his personal needs.

The inverted narcissist, as Sam Vaknin calls it, is the right match for the pathological narcissist. Because when their false selves meet, the illusion of who they imagine themselves to be is reinforced to some extent where it might really feel like Cinderella assembly her prince who takes her out of her hell hole, where she is made to wear rags and sweep ashes all day. Abruptly she is swept off her ft, she matches the glass slipper perfectly, and is carried off to the Castle adorned with beautiful robes and riches fit for the queen she is.

Maybe in this fairy tale, Cinderella at all times fantasized herself to be a queen, however she lived the reality of being an ash maiden. She was ridiculed and condemned by those round her and made to feel unworthy of the nice things in life. But she would show them someday. She would show them she was really a queen.

For those of us who come from painful childhoods the place we have been someway made to feel inferior, we will simply create fantasy worlds where we escape into by no means by no means land. We imagine ourselves as fairy princesses and imagine our prince riding up on a white horse and sweeping us off our ft, carrying us from our humble reality to an ideal castle where we're handled as a queen must be treated.

In the psychic realm the psychosis of the pathological narcissist is a superb match for the fantasy world of the inverted narcissist. Because on the earth of make consider an excellent fantasy is created the place the King and the Queen of by no means by no means land get together and experience off into the sunset. It is such a stupendous love story, in the beginning.

However all glass slippers ultimately break and so do the glass houses the "ideally suited" couple reside in. There love isn't constructed on anything real, however quite an illusion of perfection created by each parties. She is saying "be my prince" and he's saying "be my queen." However as soon as they settle into the Castle the true selves begin to emerge. The emotions of inferiority start to surface. Both partners don't really wish to be found out, less they threat shedding their standing upon that pedestal. "What if she finds out I'm really a frog?" He may think. And she would possibly marvel "what if he knows the truth of me, that I'm only an ash sweeper?"

Ignited byPink Amber Creative